Once upon a time I didn’t have to ask why

Why am I here?

Why did he have to die? If it had to be one of us, why couldn’t it be me?

Why am I still alive after he died? My life serves no purpose anymore.

Why am did I stay in this city on my own instead of going back to my hometown? Why do I feel more connection with people I’ve known for a few years as opposed to a mother and sister I’ve known all my life? Why does my skin practically crawl when I speak to my mother on the phone?

Why does cancer and becoming a widow make me a leper?

Why am I supposed to be happy about going from having a soulmate to being a third wheel in a basement apartment?

Why am I supposed to be happy with a future without my soulmate and always feeling lost and alone?

I had it all once I didn’t have to ask why.


~ by beadyamanda on August 27, 2010.

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